So, I've uprooted my life. Like, dramatically. Ending a ten-year relationship is not for the weak, the meek, or anyone in between — but sometimes it's exactly what you need to return to yourself.
I've been neglecting EI·YO because obviously I have much bigger fish to fry, but I plan to use this space to expand on my journey back to the real root of it all. Everything in the other blog posts was real and true — just one version of a life I was living, whether that was for family image, the perception of my relationship, or some other form of making sure the things I held close were being seen the right way. The life now? TOTALLY and completely different. Very... messy. CUTE, but messy.
Being by yourself after 10 years isn't necessarily hard for me, honestly. But sometimes it is. And when it is, IT IS. The boredom, the hunt for a new routine to replace the old one — that's what gets me the most. I know it'll be fine eventually, but first-day-out vibes are NOT it.
What I have found, though, is that I'm tapping back into things I already loved, just from a different angle. A different perspective on how I want to show up as a mom, how I want to show up in the world, and most importantly, how I want to show up for myself. I also had a completely different vision for my personal space — which felt so refreshing. I'd been recycling the same ideas for years and never executing because I knew it wasn't the final form. It was a settled form. Palatable. When you spend a good chunk of your life thinking about how to show up for another person in the name of love and commitment, it's entirely possible to quietly bomb your own self-image along the way. Not really their fault — but definitely mine.
To bring it all the way around: EI·YO is still an exploration of self and home, and my ever-evolving thoughts on how that plays out in real time. Sorry for the distance. Excited and grateful for what's ahead.
With love,
Kaila
